


Right by Your Side

by mishbabe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 13:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11082351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishbabe/pseuds/mishbabe
Summary: SPOILER WARNING!If you haven't watched s12 final yet, better save this story for later.





	Right by Your Side

No. This couldn't be. After all he'd been through, after everything he'd lost. There was no possibility that…   
"Dean…" But he couldn't answer his brother. What in all the world could he say though. There was nothing left to say. Tears filled Dean's eyes as he stared down at the dead vessel of his best friend. Castiel.   
His body felt numb. Like his soul trying to reach out, trying to get Castiel back. But it felt like his soul was locked away deep inside his body. Even when Sam left to find the Nephilim, Dean didn't take notice of it. He was just stuck to the view of his best friend.   
"Cas…" His voice trembled with fear as he felt down on his knees right next to where Cas' dead body lay.  
"Cas…" Dean repeated again, as though he was waiting for Cas giving him an answer. As though Cas was just sleeping at this moment.  
"Come back to me," Dean was so close to lose himself. All these feelings wanting to leave his body but instead creating chaos in his mind. "please" Dean begged before he eventually reached his final breakdown, desperately grabbing into the fabric of the angel's trench coat. "PLEASE!"   
He lost many lives during his life. The pain of death had never left him but at some point he dealt with it. But this time - oh god. This time he would never be able to cope with a death like this. Like Cas was so much more. More than a brother he'd lost. More than a best friend he'd lost.   
His body gave in and the man who once was known for hiding his feelings so well, lost himself now entirely in sadness and never ending pain.   
All he could manage to do was to lie his head onto Castiel's chest and feel how the warmth slowly left his body.   
Cold air surrounded Dean but nothing could be as cold as his soul inside him right now. Countless words fell out of his mouth like a waterfall but it were the salty tears who covered his skin and eventually left his face together with Dean's prayers.

"I'm sorry, Cas" He pressed his face now tighter in Castiel's neck, as though it would change anything. "I never got to told you how I truely feel. Because I always ran away. And now that you're gone I can't help but regret anything I've done. When you did your mistakes I was mad everytime and I showed you whenever I got the chance. But the reason," he whispered now into his ear. "the reason why I did this, was to hide my fear of losing you. Because you meant too much to me. Just one thought of losing you filled me with entire fear and I couldn't handle it. So instead I got mad. Everytime. I was a selfish idiot, Cas. I was trying to convince myself that you were just my best friend even though I've had these strong feelings for a long time. But I was afraid to tell you and even more scared of myself because I didn't want to lose control." Telling his friend now how he felt took a heavy weight off of Dean's shoulders. "Forgive me, Cas" he sobbed before he lost himself in long lost screams again.

Hours had passed, there was no sign of Sammy. He didn't care. Not this time. The loss of his Cas was stronger. What happened around him, it didn't bother him. Nothing else could reach him now. A last prayer left his lips as he said "Chuck, you there? I need him. I need Cas. So please…"   
Everything was silent. No one answered him. Then it all faded into darkness.

He feared to open his eyes. What if darkness appeared to welcome him again? What if Cas…  
No…, he thought. Before he could find the strength to open his eyes he rather tried to feel with his hands where he was. But whatever he could touch, there was no sign of Castiel's lifeless body.   
"No no no!" His voice grew louder and louder in panic. Where was his Cas? His angel? His best- No. Never again he would call him his best friend when he actually was so much more.   
Taking a deep breath Dean eventually opened his green eyes and what he found…  
was emptiness. Nothing. Even though it was still the same place there was something strange in it - despite the fact that Cas' body was gone.   
Again and yet again tears began to run down his face and the pain got him now even worse.   
Never had he screamed so loud, so lost - the name of his angel. When his body had reached its limit, he gave in, falling over and hitting the dry ground. Not even a whisper could leave Dean's mouth once more. He was too weak. He was so ready to give it all up. Everything around him began to fade away.

"Dean!?" A tight grip on his shoulder let him come back into reality. Ready to fight he spun around and was back on his feet within minutes. But when he'd realised who stood infront of him he cried out loud once more. Wondering where the hell that force had brought him. Maybe hell was the right definition.

"This can't be real" Dean sobbed, feeling how he began to shiver. "This can't be…"  
Strong arms pulled him into a hug.   
"Dean, whatever you've seen, it's over. It wasn't real" Cas tried to explain with a calm voice. He'd never seen his friend so drained. The angel could feel how Dean's body cramped. Gently Cas took Dean's face in both hands, looking into his green eyes. And how lost they looked. He must've been through something worse than hell.   
Dean reached out his hand, carefully touching Castiel's cheek with two fingers. "You're not real" he whispered.   
"I am, Dean. Whatever you've seen, it was caused by the Nephilim. But it's over!" Cas tried to convince him.   
"But how…" he began. There was still a skeptical tone in his voice.   
"I don't know" replied Cas honestly. "But it's over."  
Again he pulled Dean into a hug as though he could protect him alone with his arms. "Where's Sam?" Dean then asked into the fabric of Cas' trench coat.   
"Off to find the Nephilim. He saw you falling onto your knees crying while you repeated my name again and again. When I found you you were out of consciousness so I figgured you still must've been in a different universe, created by the Nephilim. I don't know why it affected you alone. Neither I know how you got outa there. But that doesn't matter anymore. You're back and that's what really counts" Cas spoke softly while he carefully stroked Dean's back, trying to calm him down.   
After what felt like eternity Dean eventually calmed down, even though he still felt a bit shaky on his feet. He didn't speak a word. He was still confused by what happened in that dimension. And what he'd realised. It was all too much.   
Of course he was relieved that Cas was alive but the fear was still covering the reality. All these feelings made his body feel numb again so he decided to sit down.   
Worried about his friend, Castiel decided to join Dean's side on the ground. The first minutes they just sat there, no one speaking a word, just listening to the silence. When Cas finally found his courage to ask, he did. "Dean, do you wanna talk about it?" He didn't expect an answer as Dean still sat there in silence. Which worried Cas even more. He knew Dean had never been some one who would talk about his traumatic situations. But sometimes he would come to him to talk. Which made Castiel proud. Because he was pretty much the only one who knew a little bit more about the older Wincherster than anyone else.   
"Dean" he said softly with a calm voice, laying a hand on Dean's shoulder to show him how much he cared. And that he was there for him.  
Dean on the other hand didn't know what to say. He had basically no clue. He sure was well aware about his true feelings but how ridiculous was it to tell Cas? The angel who knew so little about emotions and what they did to humans. Also, even if he did tell Castiel about it, he wouldn't share his feelings. Castiel always came when Dean needed him, he cared about him but Dean was sure he did that because he was his friend. Not because Castiel had deeper feelings for him.   
On the other hand Dean needed some one to talk to this time. And it was the best to talk to Cas because it basically included him.   
So Dean tried to come a decision and sighed as he'd found a way.   
"Cas" he began with a trembling voice. "Just promise me you never leave me again. Not in death and not by going back to heaven, you hear me? I'm serious." A single tear ran down his cheek.   
"Dean…" Never had he seen so much fear in Dean's eyes before. His grip on Dean's shoulder tightened to show him he understood and gave his friend a nod.

Before Cas even had the chance to realise what happened Dean already found himself back in Castiel's arms, holding him tight to make sure no one could take him away from him. Quietly Dean sobbed into the fabric of Cas' dirty trench coat his cheeks deeply red from all the crying. What the angel saw - no he could not understand Dean's reaction. He had never been a cuddle type even in his deepest sadness. Whenever Cas vanished for weeks Dean went mad at him after he'd come back. It was like the Dean he was holding in his arms now was not the old Dean. But whatever had changed him, and no matter how deep his pain was, this - Castiel was sure - was Dean's true face. No hiding, no lying. As though he was too weak to keep his mascarade alive. Cas of course shared Dean's pain and it hurt him to see his friend like this but on the other hand he was more than relieved to see Dean like he always wanted him to feel his emotions. Showing his feelings like he was human. Because he was human. And sometimes humans got lost inside. They felt deep pain and you could see it on their faces. And Cas knew once for sure - that Dean had to wear a pain on his shoulders which was enough for the rest of humanity. He tried to imagine how anyone else could wear to much pain on his shoulders without falling apart or giving up. But no one would come up in his mind. Because Dean was the only one. Even Sam had tried to escape out of this life to live a normal, usual life. But Dean never tried for once. And he knew, because he's been watching over Dean since he was born.

Tears left Castiel's eyes, running down his face silently. He was glad that Dean wouldn't see them. Cas had never cried before. An angel wasn't supposed to have feelings, was he? But yet he still felt it. Felt Dean's pain, but on his point of you. Dean had felt how it broke him. But Castiel had seen how it broke his friend.   
"Everything's okay now, Dean" Castiel whispered. "I am here and I will never leave."

They'd made it to a motel not far away and now Dean lay on his bed staring at the ceiling with empty eyes. Sam wasn't back yet but sent a message to Dean earlier that he was ok and would be back in a few hours. He hadn't mentioned anything about the Nephilim but as things stood Lucifer's child was either with his father or vanished to.. well, to hide? Dean couldn't answer himself but he was sick of his thoughts anyway so he decided to close his eyes, trying to take a short nap. After all that had happened he was just tired. His bones ached, his head felt like it was about to explode.   
Cas on the other hand was still worried by what he'd seen. The angel sat on a chair where he could watch over Dean from a short distance. This wasn't over but he didn't know how to keep this conversation going without hurting the Winchester even more. He recognised the pain in Dean's eyes when they had talked about it a few hours ago. And he could now see how tired he was. Maybe he just needed some time.

Why was it all coming back? It wasn't real, Cas promised him. Yet he found himself lying next to Cas' body again. No, not again, Dean begged.   
He was sure it was nothing but a dream and yet it felt so real. The cold, the anger, the desperation. Dealing with the loss of a friend who meant the world to him. "Don't leave me again" he whispered. "You promised you'd stay."   
His body was filled with emptiness. "I can't go on without you." He felt numb, he felt how every emotion left his soul. "Come back" His will was about to leave him. "You always do."

Strong arms pulled him out of his nightmare. Panic filled Dean's body, yet he was still caught between reality and his dream. His chest tightened more and more around his ribcage as though his heart was about to explode due to his lack of oxygen.   
"Dean, it's okay. Listen to me, Dean…" Cas whispered softly into Dean's ear as he hugged the hunter from behind, showing him he was safe. "It's me…Castiel…"  
It was then when Dean finally relaxed, taking deep breaths as he calmed down in Castiel's arms.   
Dean closed his eyes for a few seconds and when had opened them again, he found himself back into reality. And reality for him was being with Cas. His Cas, who was alive.   
"Thank you…" Dean replied with a shaky, exhausted voice. For a few moments which seemed like eternity silence surrounded them which didn't feel uncomfortable at all. It was just the two of them, not even changing their position as though they'd made it into their own little world. Eventually Cas broke the silence, was he still worried about Dean's condition.

"When we talked earlier I had the feeling you were trying to hide something from me, Dean. Whatever it is, I've seen enough to realise it's taking over you. It haunts you and I'll understand if you don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna let you know that I'm right here, listening to you if you wanna talk. You're not alone" Castiel spoke, putting every bit of empathy and Care into his voice. He felt how Dean swallowed down his words as though he was feared to speak out what was hunting him.   
"I screwed up a lot of things Dean and when you needed me the most I wasn't there to help. I regret every mistake I did. I regret not listening to you. So now that I am by your side I will do anything you need, I will take every chance I can get to stay by your side and help you."

Yet another tear left the corner of Dean's eye this night. But this time it was a tear of gratitude and hope.

-

They lay on the bed, right next to each other with Dean leaning his head on Castiel's shoulder and the angel on the other hand leaned his head against the Winchesters. Both of them were nothing but exhausted. Not just because of the last hours, rather exhausted and tired of everything. But mostly if course - the Nephilim.   
Sam had texted Dean telling him he couldn't find any sign of the Nephilim and would be now on his way back.   
Dean sighed when he'd read the message, relieved his little brother was doing fine and Cas still being alive.   
Mary? Well, he couldn't say anything about that. Things kinda have been sorted out yet there was this strange feeling inside him. After all those months have passed he still couldn't realised his mother was back. It was strange like she wasn't the mother he used to know when he was a child.   
But that was long ago. Things weren't as they were supposed to be. Back in the old day, before Azael killed his mom, he was an ordinary boy, no warrior.   
Thinking of it now he'd gotten used to it. A normal life was nothing he could wish for. It was far too late besides the fact he wouldn't have met Castiel. And for that he thanked his father even though the reason of becoming a hunter wasn't good at all.   
But this time was over. His mother was back, Sammy alive, Castiel right next to him.  
They'd managed to cast Lucifer down two times, they would deal with him for a third time. Hell yes, they even stopped the Darkness destroying the world. They defeated the Leviathans - basically every worst case scenario they'd think of. And they would deal with the Nephilim. Of course they would, Dean thought, not realising how his fingers grabbed tight into Cas' shoulder which he obviously realised too late.   
Cas was giving him a confused shot and looking into his sky blue eyes Dean found this deep worry again. Proving he was all right he gave Cas a little smile, losing himself again in those beautiful eyes if his angel.

"I'm okay, Cas" Dean said softly, gently stroking over Castiel's arm without being aware of it. All he did - he just let it happen without thinking too much into it. It felt perfect. Like he'd never did anything else.   
"You're sure?"  
"More than anything" Turning his body, Dean sat in front of Cas, pulling him into a hug. "I'm fine" he smiled.   
As Cas finally found himself in the arms of his favourite human he smiled brightly. And it gave him the first feeling of safety after a long time again. Lying in Dean's arms - It's been always his favourite place on earth. The angel was sure it would never end. Not even in death.

"I love you."

He'd said it. No. Not quite. It wasn't more than a whisper but loud enough for Cas to hear it. Dean's cheeks flushed. Biting his lip nervously he eventually pulled back, avoiding any eye contact with Castiel. It wasn't his intuition to speak out his feelings - he'd been too afraid. Also - a few hours ago he hadn't have even realised his true feelings and now...   
"Cas I...I'm..." he stuttered. Dean felt this weakness coming up inside his body all over again. But when he'd hugged Cas it was different than any other time. Safety and... Love. Nothing but pure love. And then it was running over his lips without being able to control it.   
What if he was about to lose Cas now? Losing him through death was worse but losing him by revealing his true feelings was probably the worst thing, now that he thought about it.   
There was this strange silence falling all over them again. Yet it wasn't quite strange at all, Dean felt sure. Like there was something that wanted to be said and something wanted to be heard.

Fingers touched his chin ever so slightly that Dean could feel goose bumps running over every inch of his skin. Following the lead of Cas' fingers their eyes finally met again, both of them got lost into the pair of each other. Neither of them aware how closer their faces got - every inch of distance fading more and more, they were nothing but fascinated of the one who sat in front of them.   
I love you, Dean's voice repeated softly in Castiel's head.   
And when their lips separated by only a tiny layer of air Castiel whispered "And I love you".   
Finally, Castiel passed the last distance, covering Dean's lips with his own while leaning forward against the warm chest of the Winchester.

  
Both of them felt this kind of perfection. There was no word who could describe this atmosphere. It felt perfect, it felt good, it felt like they were filled with star dust - it felt god damn right.   
"I love you" he repeated. "And I love you" the other replied again. When they kissed with love, with passion, with longing they'd lost themselves into thousand kisses. And sometimes their tongues met both of them smiling cheekily.   
Hands discovered each other's body, feeling the heat which was caused by all those long hidden feelings which are now exploding in every cell of their bodies.

-

When Sam got back from his trip - thankfully his brother had sent him the address of the motel - he opened the door quietly, expecting Dean being awake but what he saw...  
It made him smile. His brother was sleeping, his body cuddled to Castiel's chest and the arms of the angel lying on Dean's back.   
Finally, Sam thought, they've found their true feelings. 


End file.
